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Monday, January 23, 2006

Top Ten Signs Your Neighbor Is A Vampire
  
Once a week a Domino's guy enters, and doesn't leave
Claims his back never felt better since switching to Sealy Posturepedic coffin
Always seems sad when you wear a turtleneck
You see him getting stake in the crotch on Transylvania's Funniest Home Videos
He's lived in that house since 1783
Opens can of Hawaiian Punch with his teeth
When you bring up the 200 bucks he owes you, he turns into a bat and flies away
Comes home from Sam's Club with a picnic-sized container of human blood
Well, there's the "Vampires Do It Upside Down" bumper sticker
He's pale and creepy, but he ain't Michael Jackson
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On garbage day, leaves bloodless carcasses by the curb

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When you're shaving, he sits on edge of your tub with a napkin tucked into his shirt just in case

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You answer the door, Wolfman takes a look at you and says, "Sorry dude, wrong house"

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His name? Dick Cheney

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Invites you over and asks, "What'll you have - A+? Type O?"

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Feeds off the living, drains them of everything they have, and then moves to his next victim. Oh sorry, that's top ten signs your neighbor is a lawyer

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