My head was elsewhere when I was startled to hear the sound of an elk in rut. I was relieved to see it wasn’t an elk, but only Dave.

Forbes Magazine came out with their annual cover story of the Richest Men in America. And then they put a new spin on the old favorite, with their next issue, entitled, “The 400 Richest Assholes.” On the cover is Dick Cheney, Mel Gibson, Dave Letterman, and Merv Griffin. Dave says he doesn’t deserve to be on the cover. He doesn’t have that kind of money. And why is Merv on it?

Here’s something new. It’s something we call, “Larry King is Creepier in Slow Motion.” We see a recent episode of Larry King Live. It is slowed down to about 60% as we hear him say, “Next up, I’ll talk to Rachael Ray about her spiciest spread ever. This one has nothing to do with food.”

Biff walks in front of the camera. He is wearing a Kraft Easy Cheese logo T-Shirt. He holds a can of aerosol cheese up over his head and squirts it in his mouth. Biff says proudly, “Man, that’s bad-ass tasty.” He continues to squirt until Dave has to ask, “Biff, what are you doing?” Biff replies with a smile, “Nothing.” He squirts a little more cheese into his mouth, then exits.

Yesterday in England, some paintings allegedly done by Hitler sold for $223,000. There’s a dispute, however, as to whether Hitler really painted them. We have one of the works here, along with the curator of the Louvre, Jacques DeLong.
We see Jacques standing by a draped easel. He removes the covering to reveal Hitler’s painting of the Mona Lisa. Mona Lisa has a Hitler mustache.
BOING!!!
Alan: “Did you see that one coming? Is so, send a postcard to:
‘I Saw That One Coming!’
c/o the Late Show
1697 Broadway
New York, New York 10019
Who knows? Maybe Hitler will paint a picture of you!
Back to you, Dave.”

The recent rumors of Osama bin Laden’s death have prompted Al Qaeda to launch a new segment on Al Jazeera. We take a look.
Announcer: “And now, Al Jazeera presents ‘Al Qaeda Rumor Control.’
Osama bin Laden dead? False.
Mullah Omar got botox treatment? False.
Ayman al-Zawahiri dating a goat? True.
This has been Al Qaeda Rumor Control. Stay tuned for ‘CSI: Kandahar.’”

GREAT MOMENTS IN PRESIDENTIAL SPEECHES:
We see FDR.
We see JFK.
We see George W. Bush: “. . . . Graceland . . . . Elvis’s place . . .”

TOP TEN: Signs The Earth Is Too Damn Hot
#9. It’s so hot, Willie Nelson got caught with a kilo of Italian ices
#2. It’s so hot, Paris Hilton was seen canoodling with Ted Williams’ head

AMANDA PEET: She’s pregnant, and she’s getting married this weekend in New York City. 140 people will be coming. She’s not concerned about the wedding so much; it’s the reception that follows that gives her concern. She’s hoping it’s not one of those boring parties. I find a lot of booze will make any boring party exciting and festive. She has been dating her soon-to-be husband for four years now. At first, she was confused by his comment about her thumbs. He would make fun of her thumbs. Dave is surprised by this and wants to get a gander. Amanda is a bit embarrassed to show off her thumbs, and the camera man tries to sneak a peek when she isn’t looking. She will only show Dave; not the camera. Dave gives a quick examination and proclaims there is absolutely nothing wrong with her lovely thumbs. Amanda sighs and says, “Maybe I should have married you.” Dave’s face brightens. He says to the camera to Amanda’s husband-to-be; ‘Think about THAT during the ceremony this weekend.”
Amanda stars in the new NBC program, Studio 60 On The Sunset Strip – Mondays at 10:00 PM. She co-stars with one of the guys from Friends.
Dave invites Amanda to join him while Nigella Lawson does some cooking.

NIGELLA LAWSON: From the Food Network’s Nigella’s Feasts. It premieres this Sunday at 1:00. Tonight, Nigella will be preparing Sake Salmon and Rice. First, marinade the salmon. Nigella pours a small smattering of sake into the plastic bag. Dave doesn’t like to be chintzy with the sake and pours it liberally into the bag. He then takes the bottle and pours some into the mouth of the full-sized salmon at the front of the table. And then Dave samples the sake himself, pouring it down his own gullet. He gazes at Amanda standing at his side and slurs, “You have beautiful thumbs.” One of the ingredients is dried mustard. Dave dips a finger into the powdered mustard and eats. So tasty, he goes back for more. . . . and more. After 5 minutes of continued mayhem, it’s time to test the sake salmon and rice. Dave sups on the salmon and finds it delicious. Nigella is surprised that Dave can taste anything after all the mustard he ingested.
Nigella Feasts – Sundays at 1:00 on the Food Network.

A mistrial was declared today in the case of John Gotti, Jr. Our announcer Alan Kalter asked to say a few words about this.
Alan: “Thanks, Regis. Prosecutors summed up their case in the John Gotti, Jr. train using a version of our ‘Top Ten’ list. They presented the Top 20 Reasons Why John Gotti Jr. Never Left the Mob.’
The Top Ten List is not just a comedy segment. It’s a part of who we are; as sacred at Christmas; as American as the chili dog. To sully the noble tradition with the likes of a cold-bloodied, heartless, ruthless dirtbag like . . .”
Suddenly, Alan is shot in the chest. Blood trickles down his shirt.
Alan: “Nevermind. Back to you, Dave.”
Dave has Barbara run over a box of tissues for Alan. Dave advises, “Put some pressure on it.”

ACT 5: Announce: “And now it’s time for an Audio Check with Pete Pelland.”
We see our audio guy Pete Pelland performing an audio check.
Pete: “Check, check one, check one two. Check check. Check one. Check one two. Check.
Announce: “Thanks, Pete. Sounds great! This has been an Audio Check with Pete Pelland. We’ll be right back.”

BOB SEGER AND THE SILVER BULLET BAND: It’s their first studio album in 11 years! From their new CD, “Face the Promise”, Bob Seger and the Silver Bullet Band performed “Wreck This Heart.” They start their national tour this November. Seger and the Bullet Band are back.

And that was our show for Wednesday September 27, 2006. Wahoo EXTRA!

I think the baseball Florida Marlin’s owner Jeff Loria just got his manager named “Manager of the Year.” Manger Joe Girardi has done a magnificent job with the team this year. Everyone picked them to finish at the bottom of their division, but instead they stayed in the Playoff hunt right up to the last week of the season. The team’s entire payroll doesn’t come close to matching that of Yankee Alex Rodriguez. So what did the owner do to get Girardi named “Manager of the Year”? Team owner Jeff Loria said he’s going to fire him. Earlier this year while sitting in a front row box seat, the owner berated the homeplate umpire following a call. It went on too long for Manager Joe Girardi. He told the owner to shut up. Loria doesn’t like it when his toys talk back, so he’s been itching to fire Girardi all year. My feeling is the baseball writers, who do the voting for Manager of the Year, would find a great story in giving Girardi the top manager award before, or after, he’s been fired. The writers won’t be able to resist creating this delicious story.

Danny Stiles update: From Mike Henderson of East Windsor, New Jersey and Alan Page:

From http://www.dannystiles.com/
You can tune into Danny Live on:
WNSW 1430 AM - Monday - Friday 10pm - 12 Midnight
WNYC 820 AM - Saturdays from 8:00pm - 10:00pm
Click here to listen to Danny live on the net on WNYC at the above times
WPAT 930 AM - Mon - Fri 10am - 2pm
Mon. - Fri. 5pm - 8pm

1 cup basmati rice
2 cardamon pods

Sauce for salmon and rice:
¼ cup sake
1 tbsp soy sauce
½ tsp fish sauce or brown rice vinegar
1 tsp Worcestershire sauce
1 tsp English mustard

1 to 2 tbsp fresh cilantro, chopped, to garnish

In a freezer bag, combine the mustard, Worcestershire sauce, soy, oil and sake and add the salmon fillets. Leave to marinate for about 20 minutes.
Follow packet directions for the rice, or rice-cooker handbook, or just put rice in a pan, bruise cardamom pods and chuck them in too, and put double the volume of water as you have rice. Bring to boil, then turn down to the lowest you possibly can, clamp on a lid and leave until the rice has absorbed the water and is cooked, about 15 minutes.
Heat a smooth griddle or non-stick skillet, and cook the salmon fillets for 1 ½ minutes on one side, then a minute on the other side. Remove the salmon, double wrapping each fillet in foil parcels and let them rest for 10 minutes on a wooden board or pile of newspapers.
Bring the sake to a boil in a tiny little saucepan, like one you might melt butter, to let the alcohol taste evaporate. Take the pan off the heat and add the other sauce ingredients. Unwrap the salmon fillets, removing them to a wooden board for carving as you do so.
Arrange some freshly boiled rice on two plates, and slice the salmon fillets into thin slices. Lay the carved salmon on top of the rice and spoon over the sauce, letting it gloss the fish and rip here and there over the rice. Scatter the cilantro on top.

Yield: 2 servings
Prep time: 10 minutes
Cook time: 20 minutes
Inactive Prep Time: 30 minutes.
Ease of preparation: intermediate.