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TOP TEN LIST You know it, you love it, you can't live without it: the revolutionary comedy bit that won Dave the Nobel Peace Prize. Check out the latest Top Ten List here.
TOP TEN ARCHIVES Old Top Ten Lists never die, they just get archived. The Top Ten Archives is searchable by date and keyword. Also, please note that the word "archives" contains the word "chives."
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WAHOO GAZETTE LATE SHOW staffer Mike McIntee gives you a daily show summary and the behind-the-scenes lowdown with his daily Wahoo Gazette. So much juicy inside information that you'll say "Wahoo!"
THE WAHOO GAZETTE ARCHIVE Mike McIntee's popular Wahoo Gazette is archived here in the aptly- named Wahoo Gazette Archive. You can search by date, keyword, or show number, or even Dave's tie pattern (coming June 2012).
THE WAHOO GAZETTE ARCHIVE Mike McIntee's popular Wahoo Gazette is archived here in the aptly- named Wahoo Gazette Archive. You can search by date, keyword, or show number, or even Dave's tie pattern (coming June 2012).
Will Ferrell; and Mythbusters, Adam Savage and Jamie Hyneman. PLUS:Great Moments in Presidential Speeches; Emmy Nominations for HBO’s “John Adams”; the Terrorist List; Trouble at Jamba Juice; Gasoline Prices and the “Feels Like Number”; and a Top Ten List.
" . . . and now, amiable drifter . . . . . David Letterman!"
ACT 1:
Following the monologue, it’s time once again for "Great Moments in Presidential Speeches." President Bush: "I understand how difficult it is, but difficulty should not cause people to do the right thing."
ACT 2:
Before we get on with the show, Dave shares some thoughts. During the preshow Q&A, Dave saw a guy in the audience wearing a Ball State T-Shirt. Dave asked him, "Is that a shirt you’re wearing?" He likened his comment to something our President would say.
And then Dave shares his theory about the cause of the high-price of gasoline here in the U.S. Sure, there are a lot of factors, but the number one reason for our unquenchable thirst for gasoline is because . . . "Americans love the smell of gasoline. . . . and the oil companies know this." Americans like nothing better than fresh-pumped gas. You can’t get that sweet smell from nuclear.
And what’s the deal with the "Heat index." And the wind-chill factor. The heat index is something weathermen use to tell not the actual temperature, but what the temperature feels like. Dave has Paul pick a number. Paul says "87." And then Dave says, "Yes, but it feels like 94." Does that mean anything? And now a local radio station has added the "feels like number" to their forecast. It’s all so stupid. Besides, anything in New York over 95 degrees may as well be 140. The "feels like number." Yeesh.
It’s been so hot here in the city lately, Dave says he could really go for a delicious Jamba Juice. But something happened today that was just unbelievable. We take a look at some video of the Jamba across the street. It was so hot, the store melted! Says Dave, " . . . feels like ‘not that funny.’"
The Emmy nominations came out the other day and the HBO miniseries "John Adams" picked up 23 nominations! We take a look at HBO’s proud promo. Announce: "HBO congratulates the cast and crew of ‘John Adams’ for garnering 23 Emmy nominations, including ‘Best Miniseries,’ ‘Best Performance by an Actress,’ ‘Best Performance by an Actor,’ ‘Best Performance by an Actor Wearing a Wig While Eating,' ‘Best Hat,' and 'Best Wet, Hacking Cough.'
From your friends at HBO."
This week, the government added the millionth name to its terror-watch list. Dave is surprised at the high number. He expected maybe a dozen or so. But there are some innocent people who have been put on the list without knowing it, so the Justice Department has released this informative announcement. Announce: "The government's terror watch list now includes more than one million names, but many of those are innocent people whose names are similar to those of actual terror suspects. So how can you tell if you're a suspected terrorist?
If your front porch collapses and four goats get killed, you might be a terrorist.
If on your wedding day you wore a tuxedo with a bomb vest, you might be a terrorist.
If you and your wife have the same beard, you might be a terrorist.
Good night, America."
ACT 3: TOP TEN: Questions Asked of Barack Obama on His Trip Overseas.
Dave reads from his blue card: "Senator Barack Obama is on a week-long fact-finding tour of the Middle East and Europe, visiting: Afghanistan, Iraq, Kuwait, Jordan, Muncie, Israel, Germany,France and the United Kingdom. Dave added "Muncie" just to see if anyone was listening. 10. "Which countries do you plan to invade based on faulty intelligence?" 5. "Can you explain the 'feels like' number?"
WILL FERRELL
Will gets a big welcome from the audience; so much so that it makes his crotch tingle. Two funny words: crotch and tingle.
Will has been in town for the weekend and to keep his kids busy, 4-year-old and a 1-year-old, he's taken them to the Metropolitan Museum. Kids love museums. Just let them run free. They'll have a blast. And when museum officials tell you to control your children, they don't really mean it.
Will was at the ESPY Awards the other night, a night to celebrate and honor the world's greatest athletes. Will accepted the "Best Male Athlete" award for Tiger Woods. Years ago, Will performed at the ESPY's and impersonated Chicago Cubs announcer Harry Carey. Mr. Caray was known to imbibe a bit while broadcasting and would sometimes say some inappropriate stuff. This was all good until someone complains. Then management acts shocked. Anyway, Ferrell said things to which athletes took offense. But really, who cares? The athlete could get over it with a week in Maui. Those of us at home got to giggle a little and then go work the next morning.
Is Will much of an athlete? Dave says Will impressed him with his basketball skills in the film, Semi Pro. Will takes the compliment without modesty, but shares a story of breaking his thumb while bowling in his socks. He slipped head over heels and slammed down the alley. Not many people break a bone while bowling, and Will offers that as an overall view of his athletic prowess. Will says he had to have pins put in to his broken thumb due to the bowling accident. Dave chimes, "How ironic." I laughed a good laugh, then got mad that Dave thought of that before I did. I pride myself on bad jokes and don't like it when someone comes up with a bad joke before I do.
Will then takes a moment to give this special message. He looks directly into the camera. An American flag surrounds him: "Vice President Will Ferrell . . . . . . think about it, Senator Obama." He then continues with the segment. But then he again stops Dave to deliver another message. " . . . . or Senator McCain . . . Vice President Will Ferrell."
Will takes an annual family trip to Sweden. It involves a lot of drinking the local intoxicant while enjoying the crayfish festival. Will sings a popular Swedish drinking song. He usually has so much fun that he rarely remembers anything. Therefore, he hires a sketch artist to follow him around to record some of his finer moments.
Will's new film, Step Brothers, opens this Friday. It looks to be your typical Ferrell fair; funny, silly, stupid, and very entertaining.
ACT 5: Announce: "Tomorrow on the Late Show, from 'The X-Files: I Want To Believe' actress Amanda Peet, from 'Mad Men, actor Jon Hamm, and musical group Augustana. The Late Show .. . HEY! You stepped on my foot, jerk!
We'll be right back."
ACT 6: MYTHBUSTERS, ADAM SAVAGE AND JAMIE HYNEMAN
Dave doesn't know where to start with these guys. Dave has so much to say and so much to ask he doesn't know where to begin. Dave says he has seen every one of the Mythbuster shows.
On the Mythbuster program, Adam and Jamie take urban legends and myths and try to prove or disprove them.
A penny dropped from the Empire State Building . . . would that kill a pedestrian walking street level? Nope. The penny could reach a maximum speed of about 110 mph, not fast enough to penetrate the skull. Through science, they increased the speed of a penny to mach 4 but it still was not enough to kill someone. Not enough mass.
Elephants scared of mice? Obviously, this is not true. But when the boys created a scenario of an elephant confronting a mouse, the elephant made a bee-line away from the creepy critter. So, much to our surprise, elephants ARE afraid of mice.
A lead balloon? Impossible, right? Wrong. We see a photo of a balloon 14 feet in diameter made out of 28 pounds of lead. And it's floating in air.
Dave calls "Mythbusters" just about the coolest thing on television, with each episode usually ending in a massive explosion.
"Mythbusters" -- Wednesday nights at 9:00 PM on the Discovery Channel.M
And look for "Mythbusters: Shark Special" this Sunday at 9:00 PM.
And that was our show for Monday July 21, 2008.
Hey, Illinois; Hey, Arizona . . . how you making out with only one working United States Senator for the past year and a half?
The football Jets and Giants can call their new stadium anything the want, but I’ll call it PSL Stadium.
PSL stands for Personal Seat Licensing. For Giant football fans, in order to buy season tickets, you have to first pay a Personal Seat Licensing fee just to buy the tickets. The Jets haven’t announced it yet but they are likely to do the same. It’s a major wallet gouge by the franchise. Management says it’s to offset the cost of the new stadium, a stadium no one really wanted except management. The “old” one was fine . . . and by old I mean “built in the mid-70s.” That’s not old for a building. Have you been to Athens lately?
But I don’t really care. The Giants and the Jets can charge whatever they want for season tickets. I’ve been priced out long ago. It doesn’t affect me.
Which sort of reminds me of the price of gas. Fellow LATE SHOW staffers don’t feel the price rise as much as me. They all live right here in the city. They take the subway to work. They aren’t buying gasoline for their cars because they don’t have one. In fact, the gasoline crisis may be good for those who own a co-op or condo around here. Their lack of a commute makes living here more attractive, thus, bringing up the price of the square box they call home.
I was talking gas prices to a friend the other day. He’s very careful how he drives and says he now gets 40 miles per gallon. I told him, using simple numbers, that paying $4 a gallon when your car gets 40 miles per gallon costs you the same as 10 years ago when you were paying $2 a gallon for your car that got 20 miles per gallon. And I’m paying the same on gas as I did 30 years ago when my ’70 Chevy Impala got 10 miles per gallon when gas cost $1 a gallon.
I read about some inmates angling for a Presidential Pardon down the road when Bush leaves office. What is it with these Presidential pardons? How is that legal? Where is the checks and balances? I don’t like it; never have.
CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER
Just back from Costa Rica, from the University of California, it’s Michael E. Loik.
This concludes another installment of CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER
Will Ferrell; and Mythbusters, Adam Savage and Jamie Hyneman. PLUS:Great Moments in Presidential Speeches; Emmy Nominations for HBO’s “John Adams”; the Terrorist List; Trouble at Jamba Juice; Gasoline Prices and the “Feels Like Number”; and a Top Ten List.
" . . . and now, amiable drifter . . . . . David Letterman!"
ACT 1:
Following the monologue, it’s time once again for "Great Moments in Presidential Speeches." President Bush: "I understand how difficult it is, but difficulty should not cause people to do the right thing."
ACT 2:
Before we get on with the show, Dave shares some thoughts. During the preshow Q&A, Dave saw a guy in the audience wearing a Ball State T-Shirt. Dave asked him, "Is that a shirt you’re wearing?" He likened his comment to something our President would say.
And then Dave shares his theory about the cause of the high-price of gasoline here in the U.S. Sure, there are a lot of factors, but the number one reason for our unquenchable thirst for gasoline is because . . . "Americans love the smell of gasoline. . . . and the oil companies know this." Americans like nothing better than fresh-pumped gas. You can’t get that sweet smell from nuclear.
And what’s the deal with the "Heat index." And the wind-chill factor. The heat index is something weathermen use to tell not the actual temperature, but what the temperature feels like. Dave has Paul pick a number. Paul says "87." And then Dave says, "Yes, but it feels like 94." Does that mean anything? And now a local radio station has added the "feels like number" to their forecast. It’s all so stupid. Besides, anything in New York over 95 degrees may as well be 140. The "feels like number." Yeesh.
It’s been so hot here in the city lately, Dave says he could really go for a delicious Jamba Juice. But something happened today that was just unbelievable. We take a look at some video of the Jamba across the street. It was so hot, the store melted! Says Dave, " . . . feels like ‘not that funny.’"
The Emmy nominations came out the other day and the HBO miniseries "John Adams" picked up 23 nominations! We take a look at HBO’s proud promo. Announce: "HBO congratulates the cast and crew of ‘John Adams’ for garnering 23 Emmy nominations, including ‘Best Miniseries,’ ‘Best Performance by an Actress,’ ‘Best Performance by an Actor,’ ‘Best Performance by an Actor Wearing a Wig While Eating,' ‘Best Hat,' and 'Best Wet, Hacking Cough.'
From your friends at HBO."
This week, the government added the millionth name to its terror-watch list. Dave is surprised at the high number. He expected maybe a dozen or so. But there are some innocent people who have been put on the list without knowing it, so the Justice Department has released this informative announcement. Announce: "The government's terror watch list now includes more than one million names, but many of those are innocent people whose names are similar to those of actual terror suspects. So how can you tell if you're a suspected terrorist?
If your front porch collapses and four goats get killed, you might be a terrorist.
If on your wedding day you wore a tuxedo with a bomb vest, you might be a terrorist.
If you and your wife have the same beard, you might be a terrorist.
Good night, America."
ACT 3: TOP TEN: Questions Asked of Barack Obama on His Trip Overseas.
Dave reads from his blue card: "Senator Barack Obama is on a week-long fact-finding tour of the Middle East and Europe, visiting: Afghanistan, Iraq, Kuwait, Jordan, Muncie, Israel, Germany,France and the United Kingdom. Dave added "Muncie" just to see if anyone was listening. 10. "Which countries do you plan to invade based on faulty intelligence?" 5. "Can you explain the 'feels like' number?"
WILL FERRELL
Will gets a big welcome from the audience; so much so that it makes his crotch tingle. Two funny words: crotch and tingle.
Will has been in town for the weekend and to keep his kids busy, 4-year-old and a 1-year-old, he's taken them to the Metropolitan Museum. Kids love museums. Just let them run free. They'll have a blast. And when museum officials tell you to control your children, they don't really mean it.
Will was at the ESPY Awards the other night, a night to celebrate and honor the world's greatest athletes. Will accepted the "Best Male Athlete" award for Tiger Woods. Years ago, Will performed at the ESPY's and impersonated Chicago Cubs announcer Harry Carey. Mr. Caray was known to imbibe a bit while broadcasting and would sometimes say some inappropriate stuff. This was all good until someone complains. Then management acts shocked. Anyway, Ferrell said things to which athletes took offense. But really, who cares? The athlete could get over it with a week in Maui. Those of us at home got to giggle a little and then go work the next morning.
Is Will much of an athlete? Dave says Will impressed him with his basketball skills in the film, Semi Pro. Will takes the compliment without modesty, but shares a story of breaking his thumb while bowling in his socks. He slipped head over heels and slammed down the alley. Not many people break a bone while bowling, and Will offers that as an overall view of his athletic prowess. Will says he had to have pins put in to his broken thumb due to the bowling accident. Dave chimes, "How ironic." I laughed a good laugh, then got mad that Dave thought of that before I did. I pride myself on bad jokes and don't like it when someone comes up with a bad joke before I do.
Will then takes a moment to give this special message. He looks directly into the camera. An American flag surrounds him: "Vice President Will Ferrell . . . . . . think about it, Senator Obama." He then continues with the segment. But then he again stops Dave to deliver another message. " . . . . or Senator McCain . . . Vice President Will Ferrell."
Will takes an annual family trip to Sweden. It involves a lot of drinking the local intoxicant while enjoying the crayfish festival. Will sings a popular Swedish drinking song. He usually has so much fun that he rarely remembers anything. Therefore, he hires a sketch artist to follow him around to record some of his finer moments.
Will's new film, Step Brothers, opens this Friday. It looks to be your typical Ferrell fair; funny, silly, stupid, and very entertaining.
ACT 5: Announce: "Tomorrow on the Late Show, from 'The X-Files: I Want To Believe' actress Amanda Peet, from 'Mad Men, actor Jon Hamm, and musical group Augustana. The Late Show .. . HEY! You stepped on my foot, jerk!
We'll be right back."
ACT 6: MYTHBUSTERS, ADAM SAVAGE AND JAMIE HYNEMAN
Dave doesn't know where to start with these guys. Dave has so much to say and so much to ask he doesn't know where to begin. Dave says he has seen every one of the Mythbuster shows.
On the Mythbuster program, Adam and Jamie take urban legends and myths and try to prove or disprove them.
A penny dropped from the Empire State Building . . . would that kill a pedestrian walking street level? Nope. The penny could reach a maximum speed of about 110 mph, not fast enough to penetrate the skull. Through science, they increased the speed of a penny to mach 4 but it still was not enough to kill someone. Not enough mass.
Elephants scared of mice? Obviously, this is not true. But when the boys created a scenario of an elephant confronting a mouse, the elephant made a bee-line away from the creepy critter. So, much to our surprise, elephants ARE afraid of mice.
A lead balloon? Impossible, right? Wrong. We see a photo of a balloon 14 feet in diameter made out of 28 pounds of lead. And it's floating in air.
Dave calls "Mythbusters" just about the coolest thing on television, with each episode usually ending in a massive explosion.
"Mythbusters" -- Wednesday nights at 9:00 PM on the Discovery Channel.M
And look for "Mythbusters: Shark Special" this Sunday at 9:00 PM.
And that was our show for Monday July 21, 2008.
Hey, Illinois; Hey, Arizona . . . how you making out with only one working United States Senator for the past year and a half?
The football Jets and Giants can call their new stadium anything the want, but I’ll call it PSL Stadium.
PSL stands for Personal Seat Licensing. For Giant football fans, in order to buy season tickets, you have to first pay a Personal Seat Licensing fee just to buy the tickets. The Jets haven’t announced it yet but they are likely to do the same. It’s a major wallet gouge by the franchise. Management says it’s to offset the cost of the new stadium, a stadium no one really wanted except management. The “old” one was fine . . . and by old I mean “built in the mid-70s.” That’s not old for a building. Have you been to Athens lately?
But I don’t really care. The Giants and the Jets can charge whatever they want for season tickets. I’ve been priced out long ago. It doesn’t affect me.
Which sort of reminds me of the price of gas. Fellow LATE SHOW staffers don’t feel the price rise as much as me. They all live right here in the city. They take the subway to work. They aren’t buying gasoline for their cars because they don’t have one. In fact, the gasoline crisis may be good for those who own a co-op or condo around here. Their lack of a commute makes living here more attractive, thus, bringing up the price of the square box they call home.
I was talking gas prices to a friend the other day. He’s very careful how he drives and says he now gets 40 miles per gallon. I told him, using simple numbers, that paying $4 a gallon when your car gets 40 miles per gallon costs you the same as 10 years ago when you were paying $2 a gallon for your car that got 20 miles per gallon. And I’m paying the same on gas as I did 30 years ago when my ’70 Chevy Impala got 10 miles per gallon when gas cost $1 a gallon.
I read about some inmates angling for a Presidential Pardon down the road when Bush leaves office. What is it with these Presidential pardons? How is that legal? Where is the checks and balances? I don’t like it; never have.
CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER
Just back from Costa Rica, from the University of California, it’s Michael E. Loik.
This concludes another installment of CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER
